I’m shuffling and reshuffling work to read tomorrow night. I write very sad poetry. [I am not sad. Today I felt as thought I might burst of joy & excitement & anticipation. Where are my words for that?]
I am continually thankful for my family here in Seattle. Perhaps it isn’t giving myself enough credit, to think I couldn’t have made it without Lou and Dave, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to thank them enough for all of their help and kindness and general amazing everything. This weekend they invited me out to Whidbey Island to spend time in a friend’s cabin. What a restorative few days.
Lou and I took a walk the first evening along the water, and I found a few pieces of sea glass. As tends to happen, part of our conversation circled back to when my grandmother, her mother, was dying in New Jersey. Just about the entire extended family was able to make it to the hospital within hours of her turning blue in the elevator. I don’t remember driving there from college, but I remember walking into the hospital room. I also remember my grandmother, awake and lucid, rubbing the fabric of my new long sleeve running shirt between her fingers and complimenting it. (I know I will wear it to threads before getting rid of it, just because of this.) None of us slept and I played endless rounds of gin rummy with my uncles, I knit with my sister and mother and aunts.
I think of now, and how far away I am, and how difficult it would be for me to return. I love Seattle, and I’m afraid if I were to leave I might not be able to come back. As of May 1st I will have been living in the co-op for a full year, and each day I fall in love with the skyline of downtown or the black and yellow tulips or the cat climbing over our fence. Sometimes it takes leaving a place to realize just how much it means, and getting out of town was a nice way to look back at where I am and know that I am truly happy here.
Of course, there were more firsts this weekend. Fresh asparagus from Carrie’s garden and a Doctor Who slumber party, a Welcome the Grey Whale parade with more observers than participants, a friend’s daughter running grinning into my arms as the sound laps at the rocky beach. A dull push mower and a slightly sharper push mower and the satisfaction of clearing at least a little bit of the lawn. Teaching my green curry recipe and learning to play hearts.
Now I am reading Wislawa Szymorska for my book club, with another book at the ready and poems for the Bodie project finally started. Incense is curling into the air of my room and my body is slightly sore from an after-work run in the spring rain. My roommate will be making tuna melts when he gets back from work, I will pour myself a glass of wine. How did I end up here, so lucky, so happy?